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June 23 2017


My grandchildren: glammama, what was the best decision youve ever made

Me, knowing damn well the answer is me buying a 10 foot charger for my phone so I can walk around with total mobility: working hard and making millions I guess

Now listen



I want you, once a day, to take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and imagine yourself wearing a pair of these


there’s a snake is my boot




I FUCKING HATE YOU @royal-ruff

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i never thought i would like him but here we are







there was this really cute woman at a con dressed like toriel once and i told her she was a milf and shes like “i have an open relationship i can show you how much of a milf i can be” and i almost did it but her kids my age and how fucking awkward would it have been to go to the homestuck photo shoot the next day and look someone in the eye knowing i fucked their mom

this is the worst post on this website

why would you have a problem looking someone in the eye knowing you fucked their mom, thats empowering, thats high T as fuck. 

you thought she was hot, she was dressed as a fantasy charector, and she looked you in the eye and told you she wanted to have sex with you, and you made up a reason not to do it.

this fucking generation eats too much gmo soy, holy fucking shit, we’re gonna have to make replicants to save the human race at this point, jesus fucking christ.

whats next

“i felt uncomfortable fucking her becuase she had a dog and i didn’t want to make her dog feel bad becuase having a dog is like having a kid and i wouldn’t want to fuck someones mom thats mean”

like just admit it, you pussed out, you were scared for some god damned reason, you probably jack off too much and eat too much fucking junk food and were afraid you wouldn’t be able to stay hard. 

NOW this is the best post on this website

June 15 2017

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Welcom'e to the Tagret


my cat: *grabs my hand the same way felines in the wild use to snap their prey’s neck*

me: aww. you think you can kill me? fool. you are far too weak to challenge me. i love you

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Ok first off, how fucking dare you

June 14 2017


ive been writing this program to keep track of when you do day to day tasks like doing dishes/laundry. anyways my streak of “bugs in things i write manifesting as infinite loops of unexpectedly poignant user prompts” continues



they just showed the images for the alola raichu pokedoll and im LITERALLY SOBBING

you guys




crazy to think gamers were once humans, like us

no they werent

Fool. To deny their former humanity is to deny the fact that, within each of us, the seed of a gamer exists, the potential to overwhelm us and make us into horrors. To deny this is to welcome that seed’s germination, its growth, until one day you find yourself with a 360 controller in one hand, a bag of Doritos in the other, and a bottle of Dew between your teeth, all because of your foolish pride.


Showing american friend what NZ pigeons look like

Fat boys


i’ve achieved a perfect 69/69 win/loss ratio on zenyatta meaning i can no longer play him



we’re cleaning out our book collection and my dad REFUSES to throw out the like 2005 toronto public school poetry anthology that has my fucking, sasunaru fanart as the cover and i’m going to pass out

in case anyone thought i wasn’t legit this is it. my teacher submitted this as an entry for the cover competition without telling me and it won and i had to go to the fucking schoolboard wide award show about it and shitty emo 10 year old me had to get up on stage while everyone clapped while this was projected behind me at a massive scale and none of the adults knew it was a fucking naruto thing but all my peers absolutely did. my father owns two copies and i think it’s the thing ive done that he’s the most proud of me for and it haunts me every day of my life

christ they called it X Box One X because the acronym is XBOX


Y’all i am livid



Malcom in the Middle Ages

You’re not the lord of me now

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